14/8/26

time to christen this new thoughts page with some new thoughts..... except i cant think of anything.

i've been doing the artist's way lately, except i've been terrible at not doing the little tasks they set out to do at the end of every chapter. and i still havent read chapter 3 yet despite week 3 being nearly over... but its not about perfection yknow? its about being creative and shit like that. so ive been doing my morning pages almost every morning (didnt get to them this morning since i woke up later than expected) and i can feel the effect. i worry about the internet rotting my brain, what with brainrot being the hot new term and all, but i think building the habit of writing first thing every single morning can only do good yknow?

22/06/26

god apparently i only update this site once a month huh. i'd love to be more consistent but i dont know exactly what to add without changing absolutely everything every time i have a new idea... i do know i still have to type up my book notes bc i've been reading quite a bit lately but that's not reflected in the book page on here lol.

so looking forward to artfight!!! very excited. i just hope i don't burn out too fast and stop drawing... i feel like i've never fully put my all into artfight the way i'd like to, at least not since i was a kid (2018? ish?). but at the same time i'm aware that i have very high (often unfairly high) standards for myself when it comes to productivity and work yknow? i know i need to be kinder to myself. i want to spend less time watching and consuming neurotypical productivity content and more time actually creating things with my own hands and brain because i feel like i never do enough of that... or i feel like i'm always stuck in the planning stage. so hopefully artfight actually gets me moving.

also bought two art courses! i feel like every time i'm on instagram i'm hit with ads for another artist's course, and i don't know why but some part of me desperately wants to do them all, despite them being quite expensive... anyway, i bought one on painting with acrylic paint markers and another on oil painting because i've never oil painted and it's something i'm going to have to do in second year at NCAD (i am in the painting department btw! so painting is a must!) so. good to get myself a bit of a start over the summer. might even oil paint some ocs for artfight??

24/05/26

finally got tomodachi life! so i'm playing that lately. it's cute but repetitive. but oh well. been looking into an ocd diagnosis, my therapist seems to think i have it anyway... not sure if that's like. ok to put on the internet?? but i suppose what is this little blog page for if not oversharing to an audience of none. i'm also housesitting/dogsitting for a friend of a family member miles away from home so i'm getting to experience what it's like to ACTUALLY live by myself. it's just making me really really wish i could afford a home, ha.

i fear that i'm constantly falling behind a made up marker of where i "should" be, with regards to my art skills, my self development, my routines, basically everything. and yet i look back at the past and i think, wow, things were so much better then. how have i regressed? is that possible? but i know i shouldn't complain.

22/04/26

totally not jealous of all the people playing tomodachi life at all. not jealous. idc. idc!!!!! i dont care at all in the slightest. FUCK i still have to pay off the showit design course i impulse bought.... idk why i was like "oh im gonna be a web designer and im gonna make loadsamoney" idk man im not like. Good at anything really or at least not to the point of monetizing anything. yet i need money to live. sad! sad world we live in.

i'm trying to post more on instagram though. build an audience and all that. i like drawing but again im not confident in it.... i suppose that comes with time and effort yknow

27/03/26

hi all! got really into the idea of making a roblox game, mostly because ive been really into playing roblox games... specifically the incremental ones. idk i just like it when number goes up. idk what else to say here to be honest. i had stuff to say earlier but now its half 8 and im getting sleepy and lazy and such. sooooooo.

18/03/26

hi all... i'm honestly a lil embarrassed i keep starting things then abandoning them. my hyperfixations seem to switch and fade so quickly... remember that week i was really really productive with my vocaloid originals?? now i haven't even logged into the vocaloid channel in a month. oh well. i need to figure out how to adapt to the way my mind works... i need to try actually DO half of the shit i excitedly plan when i'm in that headspace. currently i'm trying to sell notion templates on etsy. mostly because i'm broke and i need quick to cover the last payment of a web design course i impulse bought... life is hard but we keep going. i've been journaling more lately which is good. still thinking about substack; i love the idea of substack despite the platform allowing literal nazis. it's..... something. it's weird. because substack has such a lovely vibe to it, at least the little corner of it that i'm seeing, that i haven't really seen on any other social media platform. is it morally wrong to want to be a substack girl? despite the horrors? do i need to keep asking if things are morally wrong before i do them? i don't know. i feel this odd need to be morally perfect, i think it's my catholic upbringing mixed with the autism. i kept saying to people i think i might have ocd but they kept saying no that's just the autism. so. i guess i'm oversharing on the internet because i know very few people are even going to read this, lol.

17/02/26

heres to many more thoughts from here on out. also its lunar new year i think? or i might be late? happy year of the horse everyone may your horses be plentiful amen. oh and reading my past entries - what was i thinking starting a fiverr gig?? i am nowhere near skilled enough with html for that lol. im going off youtube tutorials and a dream and i dont think i can charge for that.... luckily no one else bought a site off me and the one person who did was very nice when i refunded them LMAO

11/10/25

got my first client for my neocities website building gig thingy on fiverr!! feeling super excited to work on my skills and build out a solid portfolio but also a wee bit nervous bc of the scope of the project and how... flimsy my skills are at best. id call it imposter syndrome but i genuinely dont know if im good enough for that term to apply here haha. oh well, im trying not to overthink it. i also really want to finish my other shrine pages, especially the sims and stw ones bc im still interested in both those things despite time passing... also maybe i should flesh out the final destination shrine as well?? not sure what else id add though... might dig through tumblr to find my old wendy fanart lol

10/08/25

guess who started a substack??? meeeeeee. i did. hopefully that will get me to ACTUALLY POST STUFF instead of saying i will and disappearing for several months. i want to share my art but its harddddd. i was gonna do the blog thing through this website too but i figured substack would be a better place to start to actually get eyes on my stuff - not that im doing this entirely for eyes on my stuff, of course, i wouldnt be blogging at all id be doing tiktok shit if i really wanted attention lol. but yeah! hello world, im a substack person now. godbless.

06/07/25

hubris and the desire for money have driven me crazy and i have decided to start doing neocities website commissions on fiverr. that doesnt even seem to be a Thing people do, so i hope im not breaking some written rule somewhere...... if i am hopefully someone will kindly tell me and ill just take that shit down and think about my actions. but idk! i just think this whole web design dev stuff is cool and id like to do more of it!! i wanna do skillshare classes! domestika classes! all sortsa classes! i wanna learn to do fancy shit with javascript! im so excited but i also want to get as much done as i possibly can while im feeling this excitement as i know it could go away just as fast as it showed up.

still havent finished my first artfight piece.... to busy being websitepilled. shout out to the two people who attacked me on artfight already, yous absolutely made my week. i love my dumbass ocs and seeing them brought to life by other peoples fantastic art is just. chefs kiss good shit.

04/07/25

in all my excitement of updating the site i accidentally gutted the thoughts page.... rip to my thoughts poor bastards never stood a chance. anyway uh guess from now on im gonna try back up all my thoughts/blog entries to my laptop Justin Case lmao..... ah well. all i ever wrote about was, like, school stuff and me getting my ereader. but seriously i do want to do this whole blogging stuff more frequently, if only for my own sake of keeping track of my life and memories (because seriously, my memory is dogshit sometimes!)

sooooo what have i been up to lately? well, mostly working on this website, thats for one thing. but i also finished an original song! my first original song on my youtube since like.... 2019? 2018? a long time ago, anyway. its not that i havent been making songs - ok thats a lie i havent been making songs for quite a while. but even when i did make songs it was the whole bloody video editing aspect of it that prevented me from uploading anything. because, no offense to soundcloud or anything, but... i never vibed with it much. i like youtube! youtubes fun. except for when its a hellscape, me and my mam watched that netflix doc about child influencers the other day.... but thats a whole other Thing

fastlove by george michael is on the radio which reminds me of that fuckin jeb jab fic i never finished lmao. the thing with scott the woz fanfiction is its so inherently stupid that i have to be in a Specific Headspace or else i just explode with cringe at myself and cant write anything....... hence why media dimension remains very much unfinished. ill get to you one day king, i promise